Tool 2 Methods of Entrapment

Tool 2 Methods Of Entrapment 

Whatever amount of power an organism expends in any shape is the correlate and equivalent of a power that was taken into it from without.” Herbert Spencer. (When “it” is the environment in which we live. What we take in is not healthy for who we are.) See Living In The Land of Possibilities in the Appendix. 

At the end of this session each participant will recognize the methods the “it” uses to entrap our thinking.

Report on assignment from the previous week.

Every week for the past few years I have conducted a “possibilities” group using the concepts and material presented here. In that group I have endeavored to create an environment of learning and transformation. It is very difficult to learn and grow if the environment in which one is living is hostile and negative. I tell my participants that while we are in the environment of this group room the generation of positive thinking, feeling and action is easy, but lurking outside this room is the environment of the “it.” “It” is not about to leave us alone. There are or may be a few other environments in your life that are “it” free but not many. When our world or our environment is healthy and positive and we see ourselves as healthy and positive we have achieved interim integrity. But with only interim integrity what happens when my world or the circumstances of my life turn to crap? What happens to my word? Right, it generally turns sour as well. Our goal here is to be involved in this celestial conversion long enough and often enough that we achieve ultimate integrity, and that my friends is ultimate power and that is our goal.

When my world creates my word = Interim integrity.

When my word creates my world= Ultimate integrity.

We will talk more about ultimate integrity in the next section.   

Once the “it” knows it has been identified and selected for destruction it begins to fight for its life. “It” is not about to willingly relinquish “it’s” hold on our environment. “It” is subtle and ingenious and doesn’t go down easily. To help us with that fight we need to recognize some of the survival tools the “it” uses to keep “it’s” environment alive and keep from being killed. In my original story of my discovery of the “it” I described it as a little Chihuahua dog behind my neighbor’s fence. I have since heard it described as a pesky horse fly buzzing around my head inside my car while I am driving through beautiful vistas of scenery outside. That image fits with how intrusive and annoying “it” is but also how unable “it” is to do us any harm unless we focus upon “it” and crash into a tree.  

           

Some of the possible tools for entrapment the “it” uses to maintain control of our environment may include but are not limited to the following:

1. You deserve to be loved by everyone in your world. This is one entrapment I can identify with personally. Much of my life I waited to be loved, honored and obeyed before I lifted a finger to help anyone. When I did get a little recognition as I supposed I became pushy and obnoxious. When I didn’t get the attention I wanted I was sullen and felt sorry for myself and just plain angry with the world. This lie from the “it” is just not reality.
2. Certain things are bad and people who do them should be punished. Anything that leaves us angry is a distraction from the real you. Rather than going on a crusade against war and terrorism we might try going on a crusade for peace and forgiveness. Rather than raging against the darkness we might try praising and promoting the light.
3. Something is wrong if things are not the way I want them to be. The truth of the matter is that things are the way they are and to wish them any different puts us at odds with nature. When you argue with reality you always come out on the short end of the stick.
4. My problems are not my fault. This does not mean to say that you don’t have some responsibility for your life’s situations. This is just to say that to get caught up in a conversation with the “it” about fault and blame is a distraction and a waste of time. A more helpful conversation is to look for a solution rather than try to figure out who is to blame.
5. My problems are my fault. The same logic applies here as above. The conversation about who is a fault and who isn’t, is irrelevant and a waste of time. “It” loves to waste your time and keep you focused on things that don’t really matter.
6. You should be strong and competent in every aspect of your life. Remember you are a human being not a human doing. You can never do enough to be OK. Just accept yourself as OK the way you are. The reality of life is that you were born OK. If you don’t think you are OK now it is because you forgot the truth about.
7. If something once affected my life it will always be that way in the future. The “it” loves to point out how we screwed up in the past and remind us that most likely we will screw again in the future. The real Me would say, “Anything worth doing is worth screwing up,” or “there are no such things as mistakes, only learning experiences.” Remember, how many things you have learned by not doing it exactly right the first time. Give yourself another shot and see if this time it goes in the basket. If not just try again.
8. I must be in control. Thinking we must be in control causes us all sorts of problems. No one ever accomplishes things all by themselves. WE are saved by grace after all we can do and all we can do is really mess things up. Give it up and get out of God’s way.
9. I know the answer to everything. When I think I know the answer to everything I give up the possibility of knowing the answer to anything new or the possibility that I may have come to an erroneous conclusion about something. When I think I know the answer to something I stop listening for new possibilities.

10. The drama triangle was discussed in Tool 1. When I play one of the three roles, that of victim, rescuer or persecutor, my life will go nowhere. Those are the three roles played out in a soap opera. If you have ever been a soap opera fan you know you can watch one for a year, turn it off for a year and then when you tune back in all the characters are in the same mess you left them in a year ago. When caught in any role in the drama you life goes nowhere.

11.  Standards vs. principles. A standard is a rule we use to dictate how we want to be treated or the way we want the world to be. I used a standard for years that now as I look back the “it” used this standard to ruining not only my first marriage but a whole host of other relationships. The standard was, “I would be happy if everyone in my life honored me and treated me with dignity and respect.” That may sound OK on the surface but the problem is it is not reality. That may be possible about 2% of the time or less but that leave me angry and unhappy the other 98%. We need to exchange that standard for a principle. A principle is a rule I use to dictate how I am going to treat other people. “I people all people in my sphere of influence with dignity and respect.” This puts the center of my emotional and spiritual control back in my own hands and not in the hand of other people. 

12.  Distraction. Father Screwtape In The Screwtape Letters instructs his student Wormwood never to take his “patient” head on in a discussion. Screwtape gives the example, “I had a patient once who was a confirmed atheist. Sitting in a library one day my patient’s thoughts started to go astray. He began to wonder if there might be a God in heaven. I was right there by his side, of course, and suggested that this was a very important subject, one much too important to consider on an empty stomach. I suggested he go to lunch. Once he was out on the street thinking about food he never thought about God again and he is now safely secured in our father’s kingdom below.” Beware of distractions.  

13. The myth of self esteem, I am better or worse than. Making comparisons between ourselves and other people is always disempowering. Again I am a human being not a human doing. I am OK just because God made me that way and I accept it as the truth.

The story is told of the old Taos farmer whose horse ran away. There is an old Taoist story about a poor farmer whose lone horse runs away.  His neighbors say, “What terrible misfortune to have your horse run away!”  The farmer, however, is unsure of the events meaning.  He shrugs his shoulders and continues with his work.  The next day his horse returns accompanied by several other wild horses.  His neighbors say, “What great good fortune you have!”

The farmer, however, is unsure of the events meaning.  He shrugs his shoulders and calls his sons to coral and break in the wild horses.  The next day, his eldest son, while taming one of the wild horses, falls off it and breaks his leg, making it impossible to help the family in the harvest.  “A terrible misfortune,” say his neighbors. The farmer, however, chooses to put no meaning to the event and shrugs his shoulders as if to say, “Good News, Bad News, who knows?” Next day, a vicious and selfish warlord sweeps through the area, taking away each families eldest son to fight his selfish and bloody war but leaving the farmer’s son because of his broken leg.

Life is perfect just the way it is. All things work for those who come to trust the Me.

                            Pain Is Inevitable But Misery Is Optional.

The key to the whole concept we are discussing here is to be able to separate what happened in our past from the meaning we attached to it. What happened is what happed and that was painful but that pain is over, past and gone. What continues to live in the present moment and causes us the real misery is the story we made up about past events and therefore the meaning attached to it. The “it” will fight tooth and nail to keep the old self-perceptions and images alive. The New ME will rise from the ashes of the past.

Event:                         My father beat me with a belt everyday from the time I was 8 until I was 14.

Meaning:                         I am a flawed and broken individual.

 

.

In one of our recovery groups we were discussing the above concept. One of the group members balked at the concept and said, “You can’t tell me that the beating I received from my father meant nothing.”

“NO,” I said, “I am not saying they meant nothing. I am saying that they didn’t mean what you think it means. After some further processing I could see this man’s eyes light up when he exclaimed, “It had nothing to do with me.” I asked him to explain his epiphany.

“It just occurred to me,” he said, “that I thought all these years that my father beat me because there was something wrong with me. I just realized that he beat me because he was crazy and was crazy before I was ever born. I just happened to get in the way of his insanity.” Twenty years of misery disappeared with one new insight. The pain was still there but the misery vanished.

New Meaning:                         My father was flawed and broken. His insanity had nothing to do with me. I am OK  now and always have been.

Event:                         My father beat me with a belt everyday from the time I was 8 until I was 14.

 

Events do not determine meanings.

• The event and the meaning assigned are two separate entities. It is the meaning I assign to the event which always causes us the most grief and the meaning is something I can change.
• When we are able to separate what actually happened from our “story” of what happened, our interpretation, we discover that much of what we considered already determined, given and fixed, may in fact not be that way. It only existed in own minds.

 

Now we are going to put what are learning into practice and watch the magic of transformation. You now recognize that you have a white and a black wolf, a positive and a negative voice, a “me” and an “it.” Let’s take some time now and see how we can use this awareness to solve ANY problem that may come up in our lives. We are going to challenge that old meanings assigned by the “it” and exchange for the real meaning coming from the Me.”

Who we are is the sum total of the meaning of all the events to which we assigned meaning in our lives. In other words, we created ourselves out of our own thoughts. These are thoughts that the “it” made up and we accepted as true. We are nothing more than an illusion which we ourselves created. What happens when you stopped thinking and believing all of the things you have ever thought about yourself? You would become nothing. Now before you get angry at me try the thought on. What would it feel like to be a clean slate or a blank canvas? What would it be like to have the past gone and be born again? What can you create on a blank canvas? That’s right, anything. If you never again thought about yourself the way you thinking about yourself you cease to be who you think you are. If you don’t like your past, stop thinking about it. Terry Warner in the great book, The Bonds That Make Us Free, states, “There is nothing in our past that can harm us unless we go back into the past, drag it into the present moment and think about it now.” Who we are is created in language, in the conversations we have with ourselves and other people. If you stop saying “I am depressed then “I am depressed” ceases to exit. If you become nothing what can be created in that blank space? That’s right. Anything.

Refer to the worksheet, “Giving Up The “it” to Gain the Me.” Pick a problem, event or situation from your life with which you are currently dealing, for example, “I can’t make my house payment.” Detach from “it’s” description of the past and pick up the new meaning come from this real voice.

 

Giving Up The “it” To Gain The Me

With every circumstance in your life you have a choice as to which voice you listen to.

1. Event: _I can’t make my house payment.
2. Emotions: Fear, frustration anger, etc.
3. What does the “it” say about the situation? (This is the most important part; it requires the most work and attention.  Consciously notice the thoughts flowing through your mind.  Ex: “Life is hard”.)  You are never going to make it. The economy is a disaster. There is no way to turn this around. You are going to end up in a bad place.
4. Resulting Behavior: (What behavior do you see coming out of these thoughts and emotions generated by the “it’? Withdrawal, worry, chaotic thinking, unclear decision making, worry, fret anxiety, loss of focus, forgetfulness.
5. What are the thoughts coming from the Me: You are capable. You have survived hard times before. You are creative, strong and energetic.
6. Which thoughts are true?  Whichever ones I choose to declare as a real possibility.
7. Which thoughts take me where I want to go, the “it” or the Me? The Me. 

Remember— Possibilities do not exist in time and space like a physical object. Possibilities exist in language, in the nature of the conversations we have with ourselves and other people.  They become real in time and space as we continue to express them and refuse to allow their opposites to enter our minds.     

Declaration = an act of language requiring no evidence that leads to an outcome. Remember the Declaration of Independence was made in the face no evidence that was ever possible.

1. Declare a “Me” thought as a declaration. “The possibility I declare for myself and my life is the possibility of being passionately happy and debt free.”
2. Application—Affirm this declaration 20 times a day and whenever you have a choice or a decision to make repeat the declaration and do the first thing which comes to your mind. Let’s picture it in your mind right now. 

10. What behavior do you now see as a possibility? I see a solution to my problems and an access to power in my life.

1. Now how does that feel? I feel touched moved and inspired.  

 

Giving Up The “it” To Gain The Me

With every circumstance in your life you have a choice as to which voice you listen to. (Please list an event from you distant or recent past which created trauma, anxiety or irritation in your life. It can be a great tragedy down to a small irritation.)

1. Event: _______________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

2. Emotions: ____________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

3. What does the “it” say? (This is an important part; it requires work and attention.  Consciously notice the thoughts flowing through your mind.  Ex: “Life is hard”.)  ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

4. Resulting Behavior: (What behavior do you see coming out of these thoughts and the emotions generated by the “it’? ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

5. What are the thoughts coming from the Me? Focus and listen carefully. Let it come.  ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________                                                                                                                                       

6. Which thoughts are true?

7. Which thoughts take me where I want to go, the “it” or the Me? _________________________________________________________________________

Declaration = an act of language requiring no evidence that leads to an outcome.

8. Make a “Me” thought as a declaration.

9. I declare myself to be ____________________________________________________

10. What behavior is now possible?

Advertisement