Tool 1 Recognizing The “it.”

“Are those people right who say Heaven and Hell are only states of mind?”              “Hush,” said the angel sternly. “Do not blaspheme. Hell is a state of mind-ye never said a truer word. And every state of mind left to itself is in the end Hell. But Heaven is not a state of mind. Heaven is reality itself.” (C.S. Lewis The Great Divorce)

 

At the end of this session each participant will recognize the negative voice and begin the process of detaching from “it.” 

A story is told of a young native boy who stepped out into the world on a vision quest. One night while sojourning in the wilderness he had a vision. In his trance he discovered himself being followed by two wolves, one white and one black. Arriving back at home the young native lad shared his vision with his seasoned old grandfather and asked, “Grandfather, which of these wolves will be the greatest power in my life?

“Grandson,” came the sage reply, “you give power to whichever one you feed.”

I have been a therapist for almost 35 years. During that time I have met and talked with hundreds of people and few if any ever deny the identity two or more voices in their heads. Most of us are at least a little bit schizophrenic.

Only half of me is what I am

The rest is what want to be.

These halves they twist and turn

And use up all my energy

Our biggest obstacle to transformation is the inner critic or the black wolf inside your own head. Check it out. Take a moment and list six negative things about yourself since you got up this morning.

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Now take a minute and do six positives in which you have used to compliment yourself.  

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

Which was the easiest list to come up with? Everyone has The Voice or the “it” as I have come to call it. Operative in most of us by age 4 “it” shows up to keep us from being lonely but as we get older and if “it” goes unchecked and unexamined it can and will create great havoc in our lives especially if we identify “it” as being us. All anxiety and depression are the result of unexamined thought coming from the “it.”¹

Along with my own account of voices in my head I recorded in the introduction there are many examples of the dual voices in the literature. One voice speaks the truth and the other one or other ones tell us lies.

 Colin Wilson, a very brilliant and prolific British writer had an individual goal of becoming the next Albert Einstein. Because he came from a relatively poor family he was forced to drop out of school at the age of 16. While working as a laboratory assistant he became very despondent and decided to commit suicide by drinking hydrocyanic acid. Just before he was to commit this desperate and final act he had a flash of insight. There were actually two Colin Wilsons. He felt like there were two people living inside the same body. One was a boy idiot filled with anger and self pity who had a negative view on everything. The other was his real self that saw the truth and told the truth. The boy idiot, he realized, was about to kill them both.

          From that moment on, Colin Wilson consciously decided to see himself in a new way.  He saw himself as the real Colin Wilson and stopped paying attention to the idiot teenager. He later wrote that from that point, “I glimpsed the marvelous immense richness of reality, extended to distant horizons.” ¹

                Another prominent writer tells of suffering from extremes anxiety up until just prior to his 30th birthday. “I awakened one night,” he says, “like I had for so many nights in complete excruciating anxiety. The noises of the night and the shadows in the room contributed to my feelings of dread and despair. The desire for annihilation had overcome the nature desire to want to go on living. I didn’t want to live this way anymore. The thought that kept going through my mind was, ‘I can’t stand myself anymore.’ Then it occurred to what an interesting thought this was. ‘Is there one of me or is there two? There must be two, the I and the me who can’t stand me.’ Maybe only one of them is real.”

          This author concluded that there was a speaker and a listener. He identified his real self as the listener and an entity other than himself as the speaker. When he stopped listening to the speaker his whole life changed and his depression dissappeared.²

The “it” is always irrelevant to who you are today. It treats you as if you were a child and leaves you unable to contact the real You. You could think of the ”it’’ as a GPS from the Twilight Zone. When you follow “its” directions you spend your life trying to find streets that no longer exist in a city that vanished decades ago.   

When we pay attention most of us will recognize within us an ever constant stream of incessant, unintentional, involuntary thought, 90% of which is negative. This mindless thought stream is like a tape recorder that plays without our invitation.  It produces ideas and images that just pop up in our mind like advertisements on a computer. The thoughts may appear at random or in response to an event in our lives. That thought stream is unremitting and will flow through our minds continually – becoming harmful if we unconsciously get caught in the negative stream and let the negative emotions lead to our self-defeating behaviors. The source of this stream is the arbitrary or erroneous meaning that we assign to the events of our past, opinions we received from others and old situations. These thoughts, unexamined, are the source of all negative emotions, anxiety, depression, and unhappiness. These emotions then give rise to our self-defeating behaviors. Sometimes those voices are very loud and obtrusive. Sometimes they are just subtle and judgmental providing a filter through which all incoming information is screened making judgments such as, “Is this right? What if this isn’t right? I wasn’t raised to think like that. I already know all about that but it is quite right according to what I heard the last time.”    
         In some things I have read the voice is referred to as the “Already Always Listening Voice” which provides an all-pervasive influence that profoundly colors our relationships with people circumstance and even ourselves. An awareness of these filters, and a recognition of the striking limits they impose on us allows for a refreshing freedom from out past. Dumping the influence of that negative voice can and will dramatically alter our lives.

C. S. Lewis in his brilliant Book The Screwtape Letters,³ gives this thought stream an evil or Satanic origin. Screwtape, an elderly retired devil is sending written instruction to Wormwood, a young devil who has just started work on his first ‘patient.’ Paraphrased here it says:

“My dear Wormwood,

You have been strengthening in your patient the fatal habit of attending to universal issues and withdrawing his attention from the stream of immediate sense experiences. Your business is to fix his attention on the stream. Teach him to call it ‘real life’ and don’t let him ask what he means by ‘real’. Encourage him to read nothing and give him the grand idea that he knows it all and that everything he happens to pick up is true. It is not your job to teach. It is your job to befuddle.”

Your affectionate Uncle

Screwtape.

In our addiction recovery groups we have an exercise we call “interviewing the snake.” We can always get the snake or the “it” to speak to us. Until this exercise the participants have just assumed that the voice of the snake was coming from them and just accepted the thoughts as true. These are not our thoughts and we don’t have to believe any of them as valid. To stay present to your own negative thoughts read the following exercise and some possible responses and then try it on yourself or do it with a partner with you playing the role of the snake. Pay attention to what you are thinking and what you feel. For a graphic description as to how individuals of authority can act as the “it” in our lives, refer to ‘Others As The “it,’” in the appendix.

Now we are going to interview your already always listening voice and identify your “it” to see “it’s” true identity.

A typical conversation with the addiction might go as follows:

Interviewer: “So Snake, how long have you been an influence in John’s life?”

 Snake: “Since he was about age 12.”

Interviewer: “What was going on at that time that allowed you into his life?”

Snake: “It was a lonely time for him. He was being bullied at school and I stepped in to get him through the experience. After that I just showed up to give him comfort when things got hard.” 

Interviewer: “What influence have you had on his relationships with members of his own family?”

Snake: “I convinced him that he didn’t need them. After all, I got him through the hard things. I convinced him that he doesn’t need anything or anyone but me.”

Interviewer: “How have you impacted his school work or his productivity in life?”

Snake: “I constantly distract him from other interests. I am his focus. I am going to be his only focus. I helped him get to the internet, pornography and other mindless pastimes, anything to keep him from real life interactions and bound up inside his own head.”

Interviewer: “So if you were in total control of his life what would his life be like?”

Snake: “He would admit that he doesn’t need other people or anything outside of me. I am looking for total control.”

Interviewer: “Then you don’t really have John’s best interest at heart, do you?”

Snake: “I don’t understand the question.”

The key to this exercise is to remember that the voice of the snake or the “it” is not you. It is an entity in and of itself. It isn’t speaking in your behalf or in your best interest. Always question what you consider to be your own thinking.  

What was this exercise like for you? Please record your response here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

After coming face-to-face with the “it” in the previous exercise, it is now time to say goodbye in written form. I’m asking you to write a good bye letter to your “it.” Now that you see “it” as separate from who you really are, you will find the following exercise powerful and freeing from your negative past. There is no right or wrong way to do this exercise. In thinking about writing the letter you might consider that the “it” started out as and felt like a trusted friend. “It” helped you get through some tough times in your life by keeping your secrets and giving you a false sense of security and never judging any of your behaviors as bad or wrong. “It” may have stepped in and handled a difficult situation or two for you. With sincere thanks you might express some appreciation just as you would to any friend who has become a part of your life.

The main part of the letter is to look at how destructive  “it” has become and what you have lost by letting “it” become such a part of your life. List all the consequences, such as broken trust, destroyed relationships, financial loss, embarrassment, etc. Add these to your letter as you explain to your “it” why it is time for you to say goodbye. At this point in your letter, I encourage you to really feel the emotion of letting go. It is hard to say goodbye to a friend even when the relationship has been more negative than positive. I encourage you to be forceful. You will need to tell “it” in no uncertain terms that this is the end. Most of those who have success with this exercise have really gotten angry with ”it” in the end. For help refer to the sample letter to the “it” in the appendix.

Now we are going to go to one of the most effective tools we have to killing the “it.” This is the “Giving Up the “it” To Gain The Me” worksheet. To do this lets go through one together and see how it works.

Giving Up The “it” To Gain The Me

With every circumstance in your life you have a choice as to which voice you listen to.

(Please list an event from you distant or recent past which created trauma, anxiety or irritation in your life. It can be a great tragedy down to a small irritation.)

1. 1.     Event: _I can’t make my house payment.  
2. 2.     Emotions: Fear, frustration anger, etc.
3. 3.     What does the “it” say about the situation? (This is a most important part; it requires the most work and attention.  Consciously notice the thoughts flowing through your mind.  You are never going to make it. The economy is a disaster. There is no way to turn this around. You are going to end up in a bad place.
4. 4.     Resulting Behavior: (What behavior do you see coming out of these thoughts and emotions generated by the “it’?) Withdrawal, worry, chaotic thinking, unclear decision making, worry, fret anxiety, loss of focus, forgetfulness.
5. 5.     What are the thoughts coming from the Me: You are capable. You have survived hard times before. You are creative, strong and energetic. There is always an answer or a solution.
6. 6.     Which thoughts are true?  Whichever ones I choose to declare as a real possibility.
7. 7.     Which thoughts take me where I want to go, the “it” or the Me? The Me. 

We are always in the process of creating possibilities with our thoughts. Natural law states, “Possibilities do not exist in time and space like a physical object. Possibilities exist in language, in the nature of the conversations we have with ourselves and other people.  They become real in time and space as we continue to express them and refuse to allow their opposites to enter our minds.”

To create a new possibility in our lives we need to use a special kind of language called a declaration. A declaration is an act of language requiring no evidence which leads to an outcome. A declaration is different than an assertion. An assertion is either true of false. If I say it is raining outside and I got outside and discover the sun to be shining I have made a false assertion because an assertion requires evidence. A declaration, on the other hand, requires no evidence. It is just something I say to create a new outcome. The most famous declaration of all is The Declaration Of Independence, last paragraph of which is listed here.

We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly publish and declare, That these United Colonies are, and of Right ought to be Free and Independent States; that they are Absolved from all Allegiance to the British Crown, and that all political connection between them and the State of Great Britain, is and ought to be totally dissolved; and that as Free and Independent States, they have full Power to levy War, conclude Peace, contract Alliances, establish Commerce, and to do all other Acts and Things which Independent States may of right do. And for the support of this Declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of divine Providence, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes and our sacred Honor.

Feel the power of that statement, while realizing that his statement was created in word without the slightest evidence that it was even possible. As it was stated, read and reread, look at the outcome it took us too. How many times do you think the “it” tried to convince the original framer of this document how foolish they were?

    

Declaration = an act of language requiring no evidence that leads to an outcome. Remember the Declaration of Independence was made in the face no evidence that was ever possible.

1. 8.     Declare a “Me” thought as a declaration. “The possibility I declare for myself and my life is the possibility of being passionately happy and debt free.”
2. 9.     Application—Affirm this declaration 20 times a day and whenever you have a choice or a decision to make repeat the declaration and do the first thing which comes to your mind. Let’s picture it in your mind right now. 
3. 10.                        What behavior do you now see as a possibility? I see a solution to my problems and an access to power in my life.

Now how does that feel?   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Giving Up The “it” To Gain The Me

With every circumstance in your life you have a choice as to which voice you listen to. (Please list an event from you distant or recent past which created trauma, anxiety or irritation in your life. It can be a great tragedy down to a small irritation.)

1. Event: _______________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

2. Emotions: ____________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

3. What does the “it” say? (This is an important part; it requires work and attention.  Consciously notice the thoughts flowing through your mind.  Ex: “Life is hard”.)  ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

4. Resulting Behavior: (What behavior do you see coming out of these thoughts and the emotions generated by the “it’? ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

5. What are the thoughts coming from the Me? Focus and listen carefully. Let it come.  ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________                                                                                                                                       

6. Which thoughts are true?

7. Which thoughts take me where I want to go, the “it” or the Me? _________________________________________________________________________

Declaration = an act of language requiring no evidence that leads to an outcome.

8. Make a “Me” thought as a declaration.

9. I declare myself to be ____________________________________________________

10. What behavior now is possible?

For a more complete description of the origin of the “it” refer to Article 1 in the appendix “How To Create Schizophrenic.”

The Emotional and Physiological Point of View

 

 

In the previous section we took at look at the “it” voice from a spiritual point of view. Here we are looking at misperceptions from an emotional and physiological view point.

Down at the base of our brain we each have a net like structure of cells called the Reticular Activating System or the Reticular Formation. The net work referred to as the RAS works like a screen or a net. The RAS screens input from the outside allowing us to focus on the things that are important to us. It has been said that an autistic child has a malfunction of the reticular activating system and to a child with autism the world is like listening to 32 radio stations at the same time.  A fly buzzing in the room would demand as much attention as a conversation with another human being.

The RAS then allows us to focus on those things that are or become important and screen out those things that we may consider to be irrelevant. Just take moment to listen intently to the background noise of your current environment. You might here the noise of traffic, people talking in the distance, the ticking of a clock or the hum of a computer. Without the RAS all of these sounds and any smells or flashes of light would be screaming at you with a loud roar.

Take for example a young could who moves into a condominium alongside a busy freeway. The only thing separating the couple from the noise of the freeway is a thin wooden fence. For the first two weeks in their new apartment they have a very difficult time sleeping because of the noise of the traffic. But after the first two weeks the RAS will effectively screen out the traffic noise because it is insignificant. About a year and a half later they bring home a new baby. During the night and amidst the noise of the traffic the baby gives a whimper. What does momma do? That is right. She pops up because the sound of the baby is very important to her. She is still oblivious to the roar of the road outside but the sound of that baby is her top priority and it will not get past her, but what about dad? He will sleep right the traffic and the baby noise unless he accepts responsibility for the baby during the night. We always become aware of those things we accept responsibility for or for things we believe or deem to be important.

 This screening mechanism can work for us or against us. Once we have a belief system in place the RAS will shift and make the world appear the way we think it is. If we believe someone or something is evil or bad that is the way that person or circumstance will show up. If we believe we are in love the RAS will screen all of the negative characteristic of our love object that might otherwise be good for us to be aware of. I have talked with hundreds of men and woman who were in love with someone not good for their health but they just couldn’t seem to see the danger.

When I was growing up my father was a Dodge dealer in a small Eastern Utah community. I developed a firm belief that all good people drove Dodges. It was difficult for anyone who drove a Ford or Chevy to have any redeeming qualities at all from my point of view. When the man who was supposed to be my religious leader showed up driving a Mercury station wagon I had a very difficult time giving any credibility to anything he said. Much of the time we say, “I’ll believe it when I see it” when what we should be saying is, “When I believe it, I will see it.”

The RAS then assists us in forming Scotomas or perceptual blind spots that keep us from seeing the world the way it really is. A blind spot is a place in a perceptual field in which vision or awareness is absent or deficient.  This assists the “it” in deceiving us about what is really real. We are very easily deceived about reality. Blind spots form because we think we “already know that information” creating distorted conclusions. The RAS then creates a filter through which our previous experiences screen all things which are going on in the present moment. I conclude then what happened in the past is just like what is happening now and in the future and that is not true at all. 

For a fun demonstration of how the RAS works try the following exercise. 

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF MANY YEARS.

How many times do you see the letter “F” in this sentence? Write the number here_______. Most people come up with 3. Now go back and could how many times you see a little two letter word beginning with “o” and see if you get a different count. 

What do you see? Left to right you might get a duck or a strange looking bird of some kind. Right to left you get something else. Try making the back of the head the nose and what was the beak a pair of ears. How you look at it make all the difference in the world.

 

PERSECUTOR

RESCUER

VICTIM

                                             

                                                   

                                                         Drama Triangle

 

 

 

Anyone who has ever watched a day time TV soap opera should be able to recognize the Drama Triangle. The three corners of the triangle are the three roles played out in every episode. There is the victim or the pretty young thing who is being abused by the persecutor and ends up being saved by the rescuer. You may have noticed that when playing out the drama nothing ever really changes. You can watch the drams for a year, turn it off for a year and when you turn it back on the same three roles are still being played but this time by different people.

 

It may be a blind spot if:

By definition, a scotoma or blind spot is something we can not see.  So, how do we spot it if we can not see it?  Here are a few tips:

• If you find yourself in the Drama Triangle where you see yourself as a victim, persecutor or rescuer, inferior to, superior to, or more or less than anyone) you may be in a blind spot. Hint: seeing yourself and others as “Nothing” is the position of power because it removes all faulty judgments. 
• If you feel Doubt, Fear or Anxiety, you may be in a blind spot.
• If you hear yourself say, “I all ready know that…” you may be in a blind spot.
• If you think it’s your job to council God, you may be in a blind spot.
• If you think you need something you do not have, you may be in a blind spot.
• What are some other ways you may know you are in a blind spot?

 

So what do I do? 

When you pay attention and listen with purpose the ever present chatter of the sounds in your head cannot distract you. Look at anything or anyone who causes you pain. Explore how you see that irritation.

It is more accurate to assume you know nothing so your mind can be open to new possibilities.  I am asking you to suspend your judgment because your judgment is distorting your perception of everything.  Suspend the filters. Assume you know nothing and keep asking questions.  Stay in the present moment by asking questions such as, “Is pain my enemy or my teacher?”

 

Recognize the “flags” where you may have a perceptual blind spot.  How do they create perceptual problems for you?  Come back ready to tell about two or three perceptual blind spots you have noticed this week.

 

¹Zaffron, S., Logan D. The Three Laws Of Performance San Francisco: Jossey-Bass, 2009.

²Tolle, E. The Power Of Now Novato, California: New World Library, 1997.

³ Lewis, C. S. The Screwtape Letters London: Harper Collins Publishers, 1942.

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